19 December 2009

3 months, 2 weeks old

I can't believe our third month together is slipping past us.  you've changed so much.  you weigh 15.4 pounds!  Double your birth weight!  you amaze me each day by following my every move.  you're so attentive...taking in everything we do.  You smile, you laugh, you "talk", and listen.  You roll from tummy to back.  You follow our voices, track all your toys from across the room.  You hold your own head up when we carry you now.  You even cluck like a chicken!  You grab your toys, love music, and the colors red, black, and white.  most of all, you live for your mom and dad.  You love us so much--I can see it in your eyes.  They sparkle for us.  I love you more than I can think or write or express--in billions of kisses, squeezes, or smiles.

I write as you sleep so peacefully in your own crib at the foot of my bed.  There's not a night that passes in which I don't dream of who you'll become as you grow.  You're capable of ANYTHING.  And I want it all for you.  You're already less dependent on me.  You're holding your own head up for five to ten minutes at a time.  You're sleeping five feet from me for hours on end.  That may not sound like you're ready to skip off to college, or make your own family to the general population.  But to me it feels like you're well on your way.  For weeks you slept snuggled next to my chest in my bed.  But now you soothe yourself.  It's passing so quickly and I'm trying m hardest to capture it all.  To let it all sink in.  To not let anything pass me by.  You are some gift from God.  I can't believe he molded you just for us.  You were perfect from the beginning.  I am so blessed to know you already.

Mornings with you are my favorite.  you wake up fussy.  You refuse to open your eyes until I scoop you up and lay you on your changing table.  As soon as I do, you replace your fussing with bright morning eyes and smiles.  You grab your knees through the changing, never letting that smile fade.  I scoop you up once again and squeeze you tight as your tiny little hands clench my neck.  I am your lifeline, your grasp reassures me.  I lay you in our bed between your dad and I.  Dad calls this "the cuddle club".  From here we snuggle, play, laugh, giggle, photograph --both literally and figuratively-- and roll around. You are your happiest here.  I have to admit, so am I.  More often than not you'll smile over cry, but there's something extra special about our club of three.

We are so thankful for your presence in our lives.  You have turned my life upside down.  Your smiles melt my heart; your laughter brings me much pride and your cries bring tears to my own eyes.  When you hurt it physically hurts my soul.  I have never known love like this, nor did I think I was capable of feeling it.

You are so beautiful, so pure, so innocent.  Your eyes dance as you discover each day.  You make me understand for the first time the art of truly loving life.  I can't believe I was so scared to meet you.  You are more perfect than I could have ever imagined.  You love life already.  And you'll never understand the strength of my love for you...After all, you are the only one who knows what my heartbeat sounds like from the inside.  I love you more every day, my precious baby Harper...